Believe it or not, this was on a website called: Satan for President

This would be his platform if i he ran in 2008. I think i'd actually vote for him.

Sell insurance by the gallon instead of by the year. Add an insurance tax to the price of gasoline and drivers will never have to deal with the DMV or car insurance companies again. Split the cost of the tax between the consumers and the providers. Everybody who drives will be automatically insured and registered. Those who drive the most will pay the most, and if you want to save money on your insurance, all you have to do is drive less. There would be NO MORE uninsured drivers. Period. Everyone who buys gas is automatically insured. No more monthly payments of hundreds of dollars. All it takes to be completely insured for the road is the price of a gallon of gas. No more arresting people for driving without insurance. The very fact you're driving means you bought gas which means you're insured. Police can focus on other things. Create a single monopoly out of the DMV and all the major insurance companies in which every single transaction is taken care of at the pump. Make the tax 100% earmarked to the bureaucracy that deals with payment of claims, which are all no-fault.

Get rid of Daylight Savings time and convert the entire United States to one single time zone. No more Eastern, Central, and Western time. If a TV show is on at 9 PM, that's when it's on. If you take a cross continental flight that takes four hours and you take off at 7:00, you will land at 11:00 whether flying from L.A. to New York or New York to L.A. The only real cost? Bedtimes will be different on opposite coasts.

During winter months, some kids have to go to school in the dark. Here's the choice: a) During the winter, start those schools an hour later, or b) Make absolutely everybody in the whole country change all their clocks twice a year. The same geniuses responsible for Y2K must be the ones responsible for making (b) mandatory. Anybody think it's a good idea for us to have to change the time on our clocks, our watches, our cars, our VCRs, our computers, and our microwaves twice a year? Daylight savings time is certainly the stupidest waste of time ever foisted upon the American public. As your president, my first goal will be to get rid of it.

The Star Spangled Banner is the worst song I've ever heard. Our national anthem should be Woody Guthrie's This Land is Your Land.

They tax you when you earn it and they tax you when you spend it. Totally unfair. It should be one or the other. As your President, it will be my goal to totally abolish income tax and derive all government income from sales tax. With more money, people will spend more, paying more sales tax, so it'll all work out.

Only 10% of all tax revenue will go into a general fund to support the Federal Government. The rest will be earmarked towards goals that specifically apply to the item being taxed. Just as gasoline taxes will go into a fund supplying universal insurance for all motorists, tobacco taxes will go towards cancer research, food taxes will go to nutrition research, etc. That way people who drive the most will pay the most for car insurance and people who smoke the most will pay the most for cancer research. Eat a lot of ice cream? A portion of the money you spend will go towards lowering your cholesterol. This same logic will apply towards absolutely every consumer item.

Pardon everybody in jail for victimless crimes, including, but not limited to, prostitution, gambling, drug possesion, and being Robert Downey Jr. I will tax prostitution, gambling, and drugs, using all the money for treatment programs designed to help people with problems concerning sex, gambling, and drugs.

Level the playing field by abolishing ALL political contributions. Period. Every campaign finance reform bill that has ever existed has done nothing more than limit the amount of the bribes that public officials are legally allowed to accept. It's got to stop. I will not only make it illegal for anyone to contribute anything to a political candidate, but also for political candidates to use their own money for their campaign. All political campaigns will be paid for entirely by the government, with each candidate receiving the exact same amount.
In order to guarantee they are working for the public's interest instead of their own, once elected, all government officials must immediately divest themselves of ANY stocks they may hold, putting their money into a standard savings account, just like the people they serve.

Absolutely every law on the books must prove its efficiency and be renewed every five years or it automatically goes bye-bye.

All prisons will be turned into farms where prisoners grow their own food and factories where they make their own clothes. Prisons, and prisoners, should be self-sufficient and no burden upon the taxpayer whatsoever. Teach sociopaths to work for a living.

Gun nut proponents of the 2nd amendment are right when they say that the amendment is meant to allow the citizenry to protect itself, not just from each other, but from the government. I'm Satan. If I become president, you're going to need protection from me

As your president, I would abolish the death penalty in the United States and be the first signer of an international treaty that makes it illegal for ANY government to take the lives of its own citizens. If governments couldn't take the lives of their own citizens, there would have been no holocaust in Germany, no Tienenmen Square in China, and no Kent State in America. This rule far supersedes the natural desire for vengeance against those who deserve to die for their crimes. It is imperative that every citizen of earth deny their government the ability to decide what citizens get to live or die. Governments must protect the lives of ALL citizens. Incarceration of dangerous people does that. Blood lust be ****ed. Get some manners. Just because we agree that somebody deserves to die, doesn't mean we have to give our government the right to do it. Some day they could be coming after you.

I, Satan, say until the day you die and your soul is mine, your body is yours. Just as my government will not take the lives of our citizens, it will also give up the right to control our bodies. When I become president, the government will no longer tell you what you can or cannot consume or what medical attention you think you need, including abortions. If you want something cut out of your body, go ahead, sell your liver. What the hell is the government doing banning the transaction? It's YOUR body, not theirs. It's not a liberal/conservative issue. It's not a Democrat/Republican issue. It's self-preservation. Your body is YOURS and I will make every effort to PREVENT others from controlling it. Take whatever drugs you want, even if I think they don't work. If they work for you, fine. It's only when people do things to other people's body's against their will that the law should step in.

Put religion back in schools as a mandatory course that teaches the religions of the world, not as dogma but as simple facts. Judaism is a religion with X amount of followers who believe Y, Christianity is a religion with X amount of followers who believe Y, Tao is a religion with X believers who believe Y, etc. Teach every faith and let kids decide for themselves which one to follow.

Mandatory DNA tests for every crime committed before DNA tests.

The Supreme Court hasn't made a non-partisan decision in decades, behaving more like the board of directors of a large corporation than a wise council of elders. They are completely out of touch with reality. (They recently made a decision saying that computers are NOT recording devices. Huh? Forget them! Under my administration, Internet downloading will be mandatory!) All Supreme Court appointments should be for four year stints, just like the presidency, and they should come from the private sector. Lawyers and politicians should be banned from the court. Decisions should be based upon modern wisdom, not adherence to ancient dogma, INCLUDING the constitution of the United States.

Leave the military budget as it is, but give all military personnel peacetime jobs so they have something to contribute to society when there isn't any war to fight. Don't close military bases, just change them to something else, something useful. How about recycling centers? Nobody loses their job, they just change it.

ALL government paperwork is public and will be posted to the net.

No more taking sides in any war that does not involve a direct attack against the citizens of the United States. Our goal, in any armed conflict, is to insert ourselves in-between the waring parties in order to prevent further bloodshed. All United States armed forces will be peace-keeping forces.
When the United States DOES get involved in a conflict, all soldiers will wear minicams broadcasting 24 hours a day to The War Channel.

Leave the Senate the way it is, but make the House of Representatives truly representative by getting rid of democracy in elections. We're not really a democracy anyway, remember? "I pledge allegiance to the REPUBLIC of the United States of America." I assume you know the difference, right? Allow me to quote...

"Suppose the majority wants to take away your home, business, or your children. Obviously, there's a problem! The flaw in democracy is that if you allow majority rule, then everybody's rights are up-for-grabs. All you have to do is get more than 1/2 of the people to want something, on any given day, and you no longer have any rights. It's sometimes called 'the tyranny of a majority.'
The fundamental difference between a democracy and a republic is that if someone or a group of people came up to you and said that they were going to take away your home or business or children, you'd probably stand up and say, 'No, you can't do that! I have my rights protected by the Constitution of the United States of America.' And if you said that, you'd be describing a republic."

There! See? The constitution supercedes democracy in order to protect us from mob mentality. Which means elections don't have to be Democratic/winner take all. They can work a whole other way.

Right now, if the candidate you vote for doesn't win the election, you end up without representation. Under my system, there are no winners or losers. Whoever you vote for becomes your representative. Period. Everybody gets representation. Representatives who represent the most people wield the most power.

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[belief is NOT the same as TRUTH]