Hello Sheri,

This is my first post, so hello to everyone. I am nearly finished reading your Idiot's guide to Toltec Wisdom and really like it.

I spent a few years with some Toltec guides and ended up going through an unexpected really difficult time with all of the garbage I dug up about myself, and at the time, blaming the pain on my husband and the guides of course! I can say with gratitude, our marriage survived and I am going strong facing my challenges now with (mostly) delight. The one that still bites me is jealousy. It is what forced me into uncovering all of my low self confidence and baggage. Ego still is hanging on tightly to that one and I sometimes cannot detach quickly enough before having an emotional charge and of course showing it, at least in energy, if not words.

Your words in this lesson have given me another good nudge, and forgiveness is the key indeed. I still harbor resentment towards my husband for expressing and showing his love so easily with others at that time, when he seemed so restrained with me. As I watched my husband clear and clean and evolve his patterns so wonderfully...I started to grasp for him and all of his loving attention like a true fool! It was no wonder that he was not able to show his love freely to me when I was a total clinging wreck! Plus, of course, he was trying to help me not be in self pity and so all of my ego's attempts to get his attention were falling on detached deaf ears! Poor me!

I went the whole route, taking it personally and not allowing myself to see the circumstances through his eyes. Being a man with a doctorate degree, he had all of those strong mental issues to work through and he was shaking them off and throwing them into the desert so fast that my head was spinning. I felt for sure that I would lose him as he was going someplace that I could not see. Fear of the unknown! I felt great fear that we were losing our foundation for our marriage. What happened is that we shook it up, threw it into the fire, and I finally have found that sharing our Spiritual paths in a marriage, that unity, is the new foundation. Working to lose co-dependency!

I still cling, I still feel jealousy, but I see them now and can detach much more readily when they pop up. I am learning to surrender to what is. Accept what is. I feel that the issues I have that created those horrific sufferings are finally begining to evolve and transform. The life of a Toltec warrior is a good one! I guess that my path had to go into that dark abyss in order to get my attention! I must work hard to be aware enough to find freedom. Do you feel that recap is the best route when I know that I still harbor resentment? All I have to do is allow ego to bring up a picture in my mind of my husband bringing a gift he made to our female guide and I can still feel the pain of jealousy and fear. WHY IS IT SO HARD? There it is, poor me!! Your recommendation to see the events from the other's viewpoint is something that I have not tried. I perhaps had better go there.

I share all of this because I hope that others will look at your lessons and truly do the work. As each of us evolves, even a tiny bit, humanity also takes an upward spiral!

Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

Marta