What do you think this poem is about? I just want to see if you got what I was trying to get across? Also constructive criticism is welcome.



No Sense

Crawling all over my skin.
Grounded in a current.
bumping. hitting. missing.
Experience, lost.
Smart used to be a word.
Replaced by nothing seems
fitting.
Stranded for the common goal.
Fixated on finishing.
My short cut is an extra
mile in my bones.
Obstacles by Doubt.
Support enough, eventually
you buckle.
Acceptance by a wallet.
No sense can justify.

By Rebekah Faith V.

__________________
was that my life
looking back now
so fast we run
that we forget
to stop and dance
RFV

This is my favorite line, "My short cut is an extra
mile in my bones."

The poem sounds like you are treading water and unwilling to take the steps necessary to move forward, looking for the easy out. You get the feel of a steel ball in a pinball bouncing of bumpers and going nowhere.

__________________
InterfaithForums.com-Where your ideas and beliefs count.

PoetsFaith,

What I'm hearing in the poem you've expressed is....

- the subject of money interlaced within the words and symbolism
- That we (humanity) are no longer held accountable based on intelligence
- When it comes to "winning" in the game of life and being accepted, it is our perceived wealth that matters more than anything
- And that all of this makes you (us) appear lost, struggling and making no sense.

Is this close to what you intended?

J

Yay! This poem contains my frustration and anger at the college I'm going to. I'm going to a community college and it's going to take me 3 years to get my associates because I have to go to school part time! I have to go part time because I have to work full time to pay for it. So you're pretty much on the dot. Good job! Thanks for commenting! Please read some of my other poems in the forum. ^_^

__________________
was that my life
looking back now
so fast we run
that we forget
to stop and dance
RFV

Ooooo. I like the pinball analogy! ^_^ You're pretty much on the dot. The poem is about my frustration with colllege. Darn money grubbing school!!! lol Thanks for commenting!

__________________
was that my life
looking back now
so fast we run
that we forget
to stop and dance
RFV