Are humans monogamous? With people living longer, marriages can last 70 to 80 years? Do you believe in open marriages?

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Not any more, at least in the American culture. Things are always too temporary with everything else. The divorce rate is up, and even higher among those who have lived together first. Many move-ins and move outs. It seems, unfortunately, that people do what's convenient and feels good, as soon as it's not new or convenient (working at a relationship) it's time to get a new one. Not that there are not the longterm marriages, but they are hard to find these days!

Sounds like the days of Noah.

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Studies have apparently shown that anywhere between 5 and 30% of children are born to fathers other than the husband of the mother. If this is true it makes the idea that we are solely monogamous look flimsy. 'Slightly Polygamous' was the term used by Jared Diamond to explain the facts.

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It is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatever for supposing it true. -- Bertrand Russell

I thought "monogamy" was a type of wood.

Just remember: the penalty for bigamy is having more than one mother-in-law.

Several religions allow for multiple wives, but fairness seems to mitigate against it. But if fairness isn't the issue, then other forces achieve a different balance. Note that almost all sperm and eggs achieve nothing except the opportunity. What opportunity is chosen is the balance.

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They that believe in vain thoughts forsake their own mercy.

I believe humans can act as if they are monogamous. Just as I believe humans can act as if they are polygamous. And/or act as if they are asexual / celibate.

It is my observation that humans who act as if polygamy is the only thing that works for them, are generally resistant to the idea of "commitment" in the traditional sense.

It is also my observation that humans who act as if monogamy is the only thing that works for them, are generally resistant to the idea that Love and Freedom can co-exist, peacefully.


I have had discussion / debates on this topic with more people than I can count off hand. And I have considered this topic from various angles for more than 15 years.

I believe that ALL relationships that humans engage in are inherently open. I believe that humans negotiate, barter and establish "clauses" within various relationships that are mutually agreed (or perhaps not so mutual) to offer a "working relationship" for all parties involved. When it comes to monogamous arrangements, I find that most humans (that I am aware of) make promises and set up mutual clauses that there is no earthly way of knowing whether or not the individual can and will, with certainty, be able to maintain those promises (vows). I further observe that the high rate of divorce and separation between monogamous couples is the result of those vows being broken and/or determined to no longer serve the best interest(s) of one or both of the parties.

I do not believe that polygamous marriage is a default alternative that automatically overcomes all the problems associated with monogamous marriages. While open marriages may overcome some age-old dilemnas associated with traditional marriages, I believe that open marriages may actually be more of a problem (for each individual) than the traditional alternative.

For a relationship to work, I believe devotion, respect, honesty and open communication are key ingredients for "success." Yet, this can occur equally well with someone that one is married to, related to (by blood) and/or who one works with.

If all parties have discussed it and are in agreement, and acceptable boundaries are set, I have no objections to open marriages. In fact, I know several that are far more successful than traditional marriages. A best friend and his wife were on the verge of divorce because of what would have been at one time considered indiscretions (bad term in this case, since everything was discrete). They decided to try an open marriage, with boundaries set, as a last ditch effort to save their marriage. They both did very much love each other. Well, the short end of the story is that they are still together, almost 30 years now. Of course, this won't work for everyone, but it does work for many, and that number seems to be growing.

There was a study done back in the 80's...I can't even recall where I read it, though it could have been on the local college net which links the Pac 10 universities. Anyway, the study was about marriage and divorce, especially with the rate of divorce growing. A couple interesting things that they found was that 78% of traditional marriages end in divorce, while only 11% of "open" marriages did. No suggestions were made as to why this was so, but in almost three quarters of the divorces, sexual problems were claimed as a direct reason for the divorce, or a contributing factor, so from that aspect, it does make sense.

I might also mention that traditional marriages aren't necessarily the "norm"...it depends on where you are. In some places, women are allowed to have multiple husbands, and in others, husbands have several wives. This latter was almost necessary to the ancient greeks, where it wasn't uncommon for all the able bodied men in a town to go to war, and if they lost, they didn't return. That left a town of many women, and only very old, infirm, or very young males. Even in Biblical times, it wasn't uncommon for a man to be married to a woman, and to have children by another woman, and this has occurred in the royal lines of many countries, including England. The idea of what we think of as traditional marriage is mostly cultural, in my opinion.

I could see polygamy when the population was scarce and infant mortality was high...

But today our planet doesn't need extra and unwanted babies so monogamous relationships seem to make more sense and may keep the population down.

Granted it's true that monogamous marriages have a high rate of failure these days but that was not always the case say forty or fifty years ago. I think we have a lot more stressors on marriage life than we had say in the mid twentieth century.

I'm unsure what the solution is but to me monogamy is still the preferred institution in spite of it's problems today.

- Art

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