Goodbye,
it was a pleasure,
but it was too early.

You are smart and sensitive and very intuitive. Trust what comes through you. Don't doubt it. It might not be an easy task, but it is a very simple one.

I see what you are going through as an opportunity, to really get to know the Self, beyond the appearance of things.

Good luck to you and please know that we are here backing you up ; )

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May your awareness be perfection

You might find helpful this statement from the Canadian Pediatric Society.

Disciplinary spanking
The Psychosocial Paediatrics Committee of the Canadian Paediatric Society has carefully reviewed the available research in the controversial area of disciplinary spanking (7-15). The existing research is not in the form of double-blind, randomized controlled trials, as such studies would be impossible to conduct. Moreover, no modern ethics committee is likely to approve research that involves violence against children. The research that is available supports the position that spanking and other forms of physical punishment are associated with negative child outcomes.

The Canadian Paediatric Society, therefore, recommends that physicians strongly discourage disciplinary spanking and all other forms of physical punishment. Physical redirection or restraint to support time-out or to prevent a child from harming himself or others may be necessary, but should be done carefully and without violence.

Physical harm to a child inflicted by a parent out of control and in a rage is completely inappropriate and dangerous. During periods of anticipatory guidance on appropriate discipline, physicians should also remind parents to take a time-out for themselves before they lose control.

CPS position statement: Psychosocial Paediatrics: Effective discipline for children

Personally, I made a vow not to raise my children with disciplinary violence. I can't say I was always successful in keeping that vow.

But I did find that when I sought other ways to discipline, such as the "time-outs" mentioned in th paper, and reasonable consequences, etc. that it was much more effective than violence and kept lines of communication open between us.

Violence teaches a child nothing but to fear violence and to inflict violence themselves to get their own way. It does not teach right from wrong, only that the will of the stronger prevails. It does not develop a good conscience, only lying and deceit to avoid getting caught.

If one really wants to teach children and not just bully them, violence is counter-productive.

Gluadys's is about as complete as you can reasonably expect on this sensitive subject. I would like to add just a little bit of my own (flatter me for a moment) "common sense" on the subject.

Kids learn behaviours by watching the behaviours of others. Nobody can doubt this. Now, when violence is used against a child, what lesson do you think the child is learning? I think it is that "violence is an acceptable way to deal with difficult people."

The more that I think about it, the more I realize that I do not like living in a world where violence is seen as an acceptable solution to our problems in dealing with others.

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evangelicalhumanist: Greek "eu"=good and "angelos"=messenger. Spreading the good news of Humanism.

The more that I think about it, the more I realize that I do not like living in a world where violence is seen as an acceptable solution to our problems in dealing with others.

That's a great observation E.H. (Flatter, Flatter : ) But where does violence start?

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May your awareness be perfection

Does it matter? The point is to make it unacceptable wherever it starts.

It might not matter where it starts, but many are in it or being it and don't even know it. I recall when my son was about 3 years old, he had to have physical therapy. During the first examination the doctor noticed that I was violent. I never saw myself as violent and people around me say I am very patient and peaceful. He noticed it from a remark I made: "UHHH I could just eat him up". Yeah, that is a violent statement. Today I see it, but back then I did not.

So I do believe it is important that we examine our behavior very closely, to see if we are maybe violent, but have not become conscious of it yet.

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May your awareness be perfection

Yes, it is funny how even our endearments can be violent.

But I think rooting out this level of violence is not where one starts, but with the more overt forms. Neverthless the task is not complete until we have dealt with even the insidious forms of violence.

You are an exceptional person if this is the extent of the violence you needed to deal with in yourself.

Ghandi said that we must BE peace, not just want peace. I think he was right. Viv asked where violence starts and I agree, that's important.

Violence starts with all of us. It starts with the little annoyance when someome says something we don't like. It starts when someome cuts us off in traffic and we get upset. It starts when we watch violent movies, shows and sports. These all seem like small things but they are all small contributing factors.

In the same way that violence starts with us, so does peace. When we choose to have a peaceful attitude, we are contributing to peace in the world. Little ripples flow out from each thought and action of ours, so if we can choose peace in any given moment we have contributed to peace.

When it comes to our children, teaching peace and not violence is one of the best ways we can help them to create a more peaceful world for their generation and those generations to come, IMO.


Hope that helps some.

Maggie

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So much to learn and see and do

Good post Maggie and I agree that violence does not start with another...but with ourselves. Thoughts such as I am not good enough, I am ugly, fat, old, I am ashamed, I am a sinner are all attacks at our very self and in my eyes at least violent. I guess for me violence starts simply where love, understanding and compassion ends.

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May your awareness be perfection