One of the premier authorities often quoted on grief is Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She held that there were generally five stages that people go through in their grieving process, especially a person who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Those are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. While we can all look at ourselves or someone else we're close to and perhaps see some examples of some of those, I tend to believe there are no actual stages in grief. I believe this because it is such an individual thing. I know some who have never accepted it, others who were not angry, and still others who never left the denial arena.

It seems unlikely to me that those stages are hard and fast, as there are many who are never in denial, more a stage of numbness, or emotional overload. Shock. That is not necessarily denial. How we all deal with loss is our own path, but there are a few common responses, as identified by James and Friedman. One of those is reduced concentration, preoccupation and emotional overload make it hard to remember even the most routine of actions at times.

Another response may be that sense of numbness to which I referred, being either physical, emotional or both. A disruption of sleep patterns may also accompany loss response, either more or less sleep. Eating Habits can change, you know, stress eating, or the alternative when nothing sounds good or you don't feel hungry. The last response seen is the change in physical or emotional energy in a roller-coaster fashion-sometimes you can't sit still, others you can't get up.

The only given with loss is that your timelines and experiences are your own. Do not let anyone assign you a symptom or time limit (you know-isn't it time you get out again?) You may experience all or none of these common responses, and for whatever length of time your mind and bosy need to experience it/them. Think back on a loss you have had and search your memory for a response that you had to this loss that is on that list, and maybe one that is not. You may share here or hold that until next week when we discuss faith and feelings in relationship to loss. Peace.