We have talked about relationships being incomplete, and that prolonging our recovery from the grief of whatever loos it was. Well, completeness results from action. We have consciously decided to get better and take action to recover.

One loss was to be circled as to one that feels incomplete. There are several parts to that relationship, physical, emotional and spiritual. If the loss is a death, certainly that is the end of the physical relationship-as is the case with a separation, job loss, move or whatever else interrupted the relationship. The emotional part of the relationship lives on, how we feel or felt about the person, job, pet, etc. Sometimes those emotions change into others, such as anger or hurt. Spiritual aspects are really hard to define, because people have different feelings and orientation about spirituality. It is safe to say that the spiritual part lives on, too, much like the emotional connection.

Now we need to look at the single loss accurately. We tend to make a larger than life mental picture, such as only remembering the "perfect" things of one who has passed, or only remember the bad things of a job lost. that is really an expression of our grief or broken heart. People or things are not either perfect or all bad, but we need to express and recognize our unrealized dreams, hopes and plans. We look for things we wish we had done or said differently, or that the others involved had done or said differently. It is virtually impossible to find someone who has none of those unrealized issues. Loss takes a lot of things with it, not the least of which are visions of the future.

We need to now make a timeline of that one loss you identified. On the left is the start of the relationship, to the far right is the end of it. Mark down the line the highlights (not always positive or always negative) within that relationship and the approximate time (year, age, etc.) This may be an emotional reconstruction of the relationship, but really dig into your memory for all kinds of things, even just routines.

Set it aside for an hour or day, then look it over again and tell yourself that these memories, good and bad, are all a part of the relationship. Then look at what you had wished were different about what you said or did, or the other participant. Jot down a few items. We will look at what we can do with that information and those unrealized visions next time.