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Does a wife have the right to refuse sex with her husband?
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Does a wife have the right to refuse sex with her husband? - 2nd February 2008, 11:41 AM

A question was asked by Abdul Wahab regarding sex with wife and Dr.Zakir Naik has given a reply to his question. I thought that I should share this discussion and hope people will comment on it.

__________________________________________________ ______________
Does a wife have the right to refuse sex with her husband ?

Q5. If at a particular time, a lady has no desire for sex with her husband, but he insists for it, what is her right of refusal in this context ?

Abdul Wahab

A5. If a husband expresses his desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and asks her to fulfill his need, then she should fulfill her husband's desire, and she has no right to refuse him or deprive him of his need (unless of course if she is undergoing her monthly menstruation period or is down with illness.

Islam encourages and insists on chastity and fidelity. Islam prohibits and condemn illicit sexual relations, extra-maritial affairs, pre-marriage sex, fornication, adultery, prostitution, pornography and promiscuity. It is for this reason that a wife is bound to fulfill her husband's sexual desires so as to prevent him form straying.

Narrarted Abu Huraira

Allah's Apostle (Pbuh) said, " If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 4 Hadith No. 460 & Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3368)

Narrated Abu Huraira

The Messenger of Allah (swt) said: By him in whose hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is in the heaven is displeased with her untill he (her husband) is pleased with her. (Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3367)

Narrated Taiq ibn Ali

Allah's Messenger (Pbuh) said, " When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven." (Al Tirmidhi Hadith No. 1160 & Ibn Ma'jah Hadith No. 4165)

From all the above mentioned Ahadith, it is Wajib upon the wife to fulfill the desire of her husband whenever he wishes. If the relationship between the husband and the wife is truly based on Islamic principles, in which both of them treat each other with love, affection, kindness, fulfilling all Islamic desires and settling all matters with mutual agreement and understanding, the question of the wife refusing the sexual desire of the husband does not arise. Nor does the question arise of the husband being insistent or getting perturbed at her not wanting to have sex.

Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an in Surah Rum, Chapter 30, verse no. 21:

" And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."

If on certain rare occasions, the husband shows a desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and for some genuine reason the wife shows a hesitation (not refusal), then it is possible, the husband can be understanding and voluntarily and happily give indication for postponement!

Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an, in Surah Baqara, chapter 2, verse no. 187:

"They (your wives) are your garments. And you are their garments."

Here, because of the strong bond between the husband and the wife, if the husband is not displeased or angry, the angels will not curse his wife and neither will she displease the Almighty. And Allah knows the best.
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2nd February 2008, 02:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fahad1
A question was asked by Abdul Wahab regarding sex with wife and Dr.Zakir Naik has given a reply to his question. I thought that I should share this discussion and hope people will comment on it.

__________________________________________________ ______________
Does a wife have the right to refuse sex with her husband ?

Q5. If at a particular time, a lady has no desire for sex with her husband, but he insists for it, what is her right of refusal in this context ?

Abdul Wahab

A5. If a husband expresses his desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and asks her to fulfill his need, then she should fulfill her husband's desire, and she has no right to refuse him or deprive him of his need (unless of course if she is undergoing her monthly menstruation period or is down with illness.

Islam encourages and insists on chastity and fidelity. Islam prohibits and condemn illicit sexual relations, extra-maritial affairs, pre-marriage sex, fornication, adultery, prostitution, pornography and promiscuity. It is for this reason that a wife is bound to fulfill her husband's sexual desires so as to prevent him form straying.

Narrarted Abu Huraira

Allah's Apostle (Pbuh) said, " If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 4 Hadith No. 460 & Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3368)

Narrated Abu Huraira

The Messenger of Allah (swt) said: By him in whose hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is in the heaven is displeased with her untill he (her husband) is pleased with her. (Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3367)

Narrated Taiq ibn Ali

Allah's Messenger (Pbuh) said, " When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven." (Al Tirmidhi Hadith No. 1160 & Ibn Ma'jah Hadith No. 4165)

From all the above mentioned Ahadith, it is Wajib upon the wife to fulfill the desire of her husband whenever he wishes. If the relationship between the husband and the wife is truly based on Islamic principles, in which both of them treat each other with love, affection, kindness, fulfilling all Islamic desires and settling all matters with mutual agreement and understanding, the question of the wife refusing the sexual desire of the husband does not arise. Nor does the question arise of the husband being insistent or getting perturbed at her not wanting to have sex.

Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an in Surah Rum, Chapter 30, verse no. 21:

" And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."

If on certain rare occasions, the husband shows a desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and for some genuine reason the wife shows a hesitation (not refusal), then it is possible, the husband can be understanding and voluntarily and happily give indication for postponement!

Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an, in Surah Baqara, chapter 2, verse no. 187:

"They (your wives) are your garments. And you are their garments."

Here, because of the strong bond between the husband and the wife, if the husband is not displeased or angry, the angels will not curse his wife and neither will she displease the Almighty. And Allah knows the best.
__________________________________________________ _______________
I don't suppose that there are similar rules respecting women, and whether she has the right to demand sex from her husband.

No, I thought not.


evangelicalhumanist: Greek "eu"=good and "angelos"=messenger. Spreading the good news of Humanism.
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2nd February 2008, 04:31 PM

nice question sir, but in Islam a women is not like a western women who can openly ask husband for sex, our women are mostly shy and cannot openly ask for sex especially 1400 years ago when the world was not modern and advance at all thats why we donot see such issues mentioned in the hadiths where a muslim women demands for sex from husband but I do remember their are certain issues in which women are reported to have complained for their husbands and even at present muslim women contact Islamic Scholars and Alims and complain about their husbands and ask about rulings of Islam over it.

Islam is not onesided religion sir,
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2nd February 2008, 04:35 PM

It is her body, and if she wants sex, she can have it, and if not, he can go and fix his problem himself.

Religion does not have the right to give power to one person over another. What I just read sounds awefully close to slavery.


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Religion is a smile on a dog."
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2nd February 2008, 05:07 PM

Fahad,
I don't know the Qur'an, not have I ever read it. You post some quotes such as:

Allah's Apostle (Pbuh) said, " If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 4 Hadith No. 460 & Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3368)

Are these in the Qur'an? Or are these quotes (mis) interpretations of the Qur'an?

If anyone takes from someone that which is not freely given..... it is theft. With intercourse it is rape. Plain and simple.

You say the Qur'an is not a one sided religion, but if these quotes are in the Qur'an then it is. The Qur'an does not mention that taking a women against her will, will curse the man beyond the morning.

And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."

To interprete this quote as the means of serving a man's lust, is a misinterpretation of true love. To love is to value and respect. How can a man love his wife and yet "use" her to still his lust?


Don't try to grasp with the mind that which is beyond mind.

Last edited by vivamis123; 2nd February 2008 at 05:10 PM.
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welcome
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welcome - 2nd February 2008, 05:16 PM

I welcome your comments on such issues whether they are positive or negative comments.

Let me clarify you that such hadiths point to the rejection of women towards sexual intercourse with their husband and Islam doesnot forces a women to have sex with her husband when she is either Ill(in a serious health condition) or going through mensuration.

What is the purpose of marriage? does marriage only means to look after children and work in different shifts and stay away from each other?

sex is a spiritual desire just as their is a desire for food and thirst.

what will you do if you donot get anything to eat within 2 days?


Islam guides people in every matter whether its social,spiritual or religious.

We also have a seperate aspect of Islam which guides us in purification and cleaness matters.

And please note that the concept of marriage between step mother and a son was common before arrival of Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) ,it was Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) who set guidlines for marriage under the light of divine messege.
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2nd February 2008, 05:55 PM

Fahad,
Women should not be forced.... period. They need no reason. We live in the year 2008. Mohammed set up some rules that were needed at that time. We understand today that it is not necessary to circumcise a male. And furthermore, that women are not the slaves to a man's lust or misunderstanding of a marriage. From what you are telling us, it does not sound like women in your country are shy...but surpressed : (

Let's say a man or woman could not engage in intercourse, do you get a divorce or add another women/man to your marriage? Marriage is about a commitment to walk through life (good and bad) TOGETHER.


Don't try to grasp with the mind that which is beyond mind.
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3rd February 2008, 03:07 AM

Fahad - Aren't there different groups within Islam that are more liberal than others? I know that some Christian groups prohibit drinking carbonated drinks, wearing jewelry, showing one's legs or arms, etc. There have even been those who have tried to live according to the laws of the Old Testament. Of course, all it takes is a little reading to see that most of the laws that existed thousands of years ago are totally absurd. The reasoning that existed back then is just not applicable today. We don't practice medicine like they did back then (we don't do anything like they did thousands of years ago) so why assume they had the correct view of sex? Are we not supposed to evolve past the days of Mohammed and Jesus?

We're evolved enough (at least most of us, I guess) to realize that there is a difference between sexual relations with love and sexual relations without love. People want to experience the highest vision of love possible, because this is also an experience of God. Sex is just one vehicle of a love relationship, but it's not the only one. Nor is it love if it is selfish and only one of the individuals is a willing participant. This is just common sense, isn't it??
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nice question
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nice question - 3rd February 2008, 06:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by vivamis123
Fahad,
I don't know the Qur'an, not have I ever read it. You post some quotes such as:

Allah's Apostle (Pbuh) said, " If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 4 Hadith No. 460 & Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3368)

Are these in the Qur'an? Or are these quotes (mis) interpretations of the Qur'an?

If anyone takes from someone that which is not freely given..... it is theft. With intercourse it is rape. Plain and simple.

You say the Qur'an is not a one sided religion, but if these quotes are in the Qur'an then it is. The Qur'an does not mention that taking a women against her will, will curse the man beyond the morning.

And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."

To interprete this quote as the means of serving a man's lust, is a misinterpretation of true love. To love is to value and respect. How can a man love his wife and yet "use" her to still his lust?
Nice question, no it is a report from a hadith,not a verse of Qur'an.

Well, it is not a theft because a wife is a women who is legally married to you,she is not unrelated to you and after marriage she has a relation with you which is even appreciated by God and if a husband requires her wife to have sex with him then she should go for it because God wants husband and wife to have good and strong relation ,but please remember that the biggest aim and objective of satan is the distroy the relation between husband and wife, this is why you see so many divorce ratios in the world, and their is a hadith (I donot remember its reference) in which Prophet(pbuh) has said "satan enjoys the most when he creates misunderstanding between a husband and wife",because he doesnot want any relation to be strong and healthy which is appreciated in the sight of God".

Thats why the angels curse such women who doesnot have sex with her husband.

Please note that Islam is not against sexual intercourse, it is against illegal sexual intercourse which takes place before marriage or between those couples that are unmarried because sex is a gift from Lord and He has set perimeters for it to take place.

Let me give you an example, Is driving illegal? Offcourse not, but driving without a driver license is illegal and wrong. If you drive a car with a driver license then their is nothing wrong with your driving and a police will not catch you or give you a ticket.

In the similar way sex before or without marriage is wrong and illegal.

I hope you have a better pic but still if you need any further clarification, please donot hesitate to let me know.

Regards
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absolutely right
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absolutely right - 3rd February 2008, 06:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by angeleyes
Fahad - Aren't there different groups within Islam that are more liberal than others? I know that some Christian groups prohibit drinking carbonated drinks, wearing jewelry, showing one's legs or arms, etc. There have even been those who have tried to live according to the laws of the Old Testament. Of course, all it takes is a little reading to see that most of the laws that existed thousands of years ago are totally absurd. The reasoning that existed back then is just not applicable today. We don't practice medicine like they did back then (we don't do anything like they did thousands of years ago) so why assume they had the correct view of sex? Are we not supposed to evolve past the days of Mohammed and Jesus?

We're evolved enough (at least most of us, I guess) to realize that there is a difference between sexual relations with love and sexual relations without love. People want to experience the highest vision of love possible, because this is also an experience of God. Sex is just one vehicle of a love relationship, but it's not the only one. Nor is it love if it is selfish and only one of the individuals is a willing participant. This is just common sense, isn't it??
absolutely right, there are many schools of thought or sects in Islam and the school of thought is called "madhab" which represent the views of a perticular muslim groups. Their were 4 main Imams or Scholars whom Muslims follow :

1) Imam Abu Hanifa,

2) Imam Ibn Humbal.

3) Imam Shafi,

4) Imam Bukhari or Muslim(As far as I remember).

They are the main Imams who played an important part in collecting and compiling hadiths of Prophet(pbuh) and their practices of Islam were based on their understanding of the hadiths.

All the muslims respect them but some have chosen Imam Abu Hanifa,some have chosen Imam Shafi and etc.

Their are more sects in Judaism and Christianity since they came many many centuries before muslims and even Prophet(pbuh) predicted in 1 hadith that muslims will have many sects.


Please note that the different sects of Islam have common basic beliefs and they donot have any difference over the basic beliefs unlike in Christianity where different sects have different basic beliefs.
Not all Christians agree on doctrine of trinity like mormons.
some christians are strict on the concept of monotheism like muslims and they donot believe in the divinity of Jesus(pbuh).
Protestants and Catholics have different beliefs.

I hope this helps
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