Brain CRAMPS

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever."
Miss America 1995 from Alabama
Heather Whitestone

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Popular Pop Singer
Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
(During an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.)
Model, movie and TV actress
Brooke Shields

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
University of Kentucky Basketball Forward
Winston Bennett

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
Washington DC Mayor
Marion Barry

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
(Commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.)
First Lady and Democratic Senator from New York
Hillary Clinton

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
A congressional candidate in Texas

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
Philadelphia Phillies Manager
Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Vice President
Al Gore

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
Vice President
Al Gore

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
Vice President
Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves, How much clean air do we need?"
Chrysler Chairman and CEO
Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
NFL Quarterback and Sports Analyst
Joe Theisman

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
ROTC Instructor
Colonel Gerald Wellman

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
President Bill Clinton

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
Greenville, South Carolina
Department of Social Services

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
FCC Chairman
Mark S. Fowler


Feeling smarter yet?

Yes feeling alot smarter Thanks for posting those they were good!

I remember hearing most of those before; in fact I recall groaning over a good few of them as they were being made.

Some of the people speaking are pretty intelligent; this is just evidence that everyone can trip over their own words. Sometimes this is simply a result of nerves, combined with a desire not to offend anyone -- hence the frequent gaffes made by beauty pagent contestants, over the years (remarks people, unkindly, put down to the conetstants being stupid). Most people find themselves very nervous when they are interviewed, no matter how calm they are the rest of the time... hence the humour in the old Jackie Gleason routine.

Gaffes are also very easy when someone is being interviewed, especially on stage, in front of an audience, or in a scrum with reporters; something happens that the camera cannot see, the person speaking is trying to keep on speaking, but is really paying attention to something else. Nearly all these gaffes were made in that kind of situation (as a former journalist, I have seen that many times).

In the old days, before TV became the main source of news, people made similar gaffes, but were more likely to stop, collect themselves and go on. TV reporting, particularly the 30 second sound bite, has made this kind of gaffe inevitable...and when they are made, they make irresistable material for the evening news.

I was listening to a recording of a famous interview with the late dictator of Malawi, Hastings Banda, the other day; it was made in 1960, and Dr Banada responded to every one of the reporters questions with a simple "No" or "I'm not going to tell you that." It was fascinatingly straight forward. The program contrasted this, unfavourably, with a interview with Donald Rumsfield -- the infamous "Unknown unkowns" interview. Rumsfield was saying about the same thing as Banda, but the dictator was a lot more honest.... that's the result of years of "spin" training that public figures go through today -- even athletes and actors -- and the ambiguity of "spinning a question to your message" often leads people into making all kinds of gaffes as well.

So, expect our leaders and idols to continue to make such brain twisting remarks, even those who are pretty intelligent.

__________________
Grassaf, Eolas