The mystical challenge of 'Kol Nidre'

The ancient Aramaic words of the Kol Nidre prayer will ring out, as they do every year, stirring the emotions of the faithful gathered in the synagogues. What is it about these words that have transformed them into a symbol of the Days of Awe? What is it about the melody that enables it to tear down all defensive barriers, even the one that has grown up around the soul of the assimilated Jew, for whom the experience of prayer is so remote?

The Kol Nidre prayer dates from the days of the persecution of the anusim, crypto-Jews, in Spain and Portugal. These Jews, who spent the whole year denying their identity and religion, would assemble on the eve of Yom Kippur, risking their lives, and declare that all the vows of conversion to Christianity they had take n upon themselves were not truthful vows.

Once a year, for a brief moment, the crypto-Jew would remove his mask and dispense with all the lies, celebrating his inner truth and lamenting the need to repress it in his everyday life.

On the eve of Yom Kippur, we declare ourselves anusim. We recognize the fact that many times, the way we live does not reflect our inner truth.

All too often, we wish we could change the trajectory of our lives, but are unable to free ourselves from the chains that bind us to that which is familiar, conventional and safe. All too often, we know that by our actions we are doing an injustice to ourselves and others, but we end up repeating those same actions, time after time.

In the same way as the anusim got up once a year and exposed their masquerade, we admit that we all too often lie to ourselves and others. Once a year, we declare our yearning for greater honesty.

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