The EvangelicalHumanist (known to friends as "Allen"), lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I was born here. I lived in Ottawa (Canada's capital) from ages 8-13, at a place called the "Protestant Children's Village," essentially an orphanage for rather more difficult (translation: disturbed) kids. Following that, I was sent to a boy's private boarding school (hey, they had to keep me somewhere!) in a small town north of Toronto for 5 years, and finally, returned to Toronto about 42 years ago, and have remained here ever since. I live in the center of town, and although I love the countryside, and even more the forest (camping), I'm a big city boy at heart.

Toronto's a great, multicultural city, with access to every kind of food from every part of the world, but if I could afford to live anywhere at all, it would be in the heart of London, England. Soho, probably, or Bloomsbury. Kensington is too expensive.

For a living, I am an Information Technology Recruiter, for large firms (banks, telecoms, consulting firms) in and around Toronto. I actually started my career as an actor and singer, but was never good enough to make any real money (although I did a couple of shows in Toronto that lasted a total of 10 months). Then I took up accounting, and finally gravitated to programming. My career spanned programmer, database administrator, technical analyst, project manager, Director of Systems Architecture and Vice President of IT for the Canadian arm of ING insurance. I am a socially unpolitical soul, so VP was a stupid place for me. I joined a major Canadian Bank to help them restructure their I.T. department into a "matrix" organization, so they could more easily deploy 1700 existing staff to where the priorities were. Then, after 5 years, and immediately after 9/11, they let a bunch of people go. Since I had written a book for them on managing IT resources, they didn't need me. Out into the street at my advanced age! Boo-hoo!. So now I recruit.

For pleasure in my own time, I read, read, read and then, when I'm done, read some more. Oh, and listen to music and play the piano, all classical.

Also, I love to cook (and I'm a pretty darned good gourmet chef, having studied at a college here in Toronto. Partner Joseph studied at a college in Calgary. It probably won't come as a surprise that after 14 years of cooking for one another, we are both getting a bit pudgy!)

And oddly, for a couple of city guys, we actually love to make pickles and preserves every year. There's no way you can buy crabapple jelly, or bread'n'butters, or pickled beets, onions or asparagus, or chili sauce or piccalilli that taste anything like you can make at home. And they make great gifts.

I'm a gay man, who has lived with his partner Joseph for more than 14 years, and I still couldn't be happier about it. Love is llike that, and we do really care about each other a lot. In Canada, we are now permitted to get married. However, both of us grew up without ever having considered such a possibility, so it is not something we feel frankly very comfortable with. It has little meaning for us as the relationship is everything, and getting all formal about it doesn't really seem to make sense. Having never required anybody's approval of our relationship, we don't see ourselves asking for it now.

So you will understand if I say, no kids.

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evangelicalhumanist: Greek "eu"=good and "angelos"=messenger. Spreading the good news of Humanism.

Well, I hope this isn't too personal, but I noticed your last sentence was a rather light reference to no kids. I too, have no kids, and it's a fairly emotional issue lately for me. I was wondering if you and your partner ever considered adopting any, and whether that would have been a realistic option in your area in the last few decades. I know gay couples here are fairly divided about the issue of adoption (and marriage, too, actually). Wondering if you have any comments on that, since it's a rather hot issue here, and I, of course, strongly feel gay couples should be able to adopt if they wish, whether legally married or not. The reason I am asking is because it seems you can comment from both sides of the situation, since I gather you spent much of your childhood in an orphanage and kids there probably did a lot of talking about what kind of family life they wished they had.

I knew you had overcome a lot in life, but I must say your story is extremely inspiring. Most kids in boarding systems here do not have such positive outcomes and great success as you have had. You're a very strong person!

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"For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."
- Carl Sagan

There are two sides to my answer about your question (which I don't find too personal )

First, I see no reason for committed gay couples, in stable relationships, not to adopt. But I make a strong provision -- they should have carefully thought about the reasons that they want to do so. We're not talking pets, here. Adoption of a child (whether infant or older) is an immense commitment.

Of course, sometimes one partner will already have children from a previous (heterosexual) relationship. The pressue to conform can be immense, but the internal pressure to express one's true self all too often is stronger. In such cases, I would see it as perfectly natural that the new, same-sex partner consider adopting the children as their own. This is, really, in the best interests of the children, ensuring continuity of family relationships even if something should happen to the birth parent.

I have never considered adopting for what I think is also a good reason. I was a battered child, and there is little question that such things tend to continue in a linear fashion -- the battered become the batterers. I am much, much better with children now (age does bring some measure of patience ) but for much of my life, they were a source of frustration for me.

Oddly, Joseph is going the other way. He helped to bring up two kids with a girl that he lived with for quite a while (non-sexual relationship). He loved them greatly and still remembers them fondly. But now his patience with kids is waning, while mine is waxing.

No, all things considered, I think it best for everyone that Joseph and I stayed out of the adoption biz.
Like everyone, I did not accomplish it all on my own. I had help, including a wonderful woman (an atheist, actually) with the Children's Aid, and with a United Church of Canada minister who helped to get me off the streets when I was young. He paid heavily over quite a few years for his kindness, I'm sad to say! Growing up is often a lengthy and difficult process for kids in my circumstances.

And for some reason, I did acquire a set of values -- very humanistic ones -- that provide me with a very good ground. I'm never really sure where those came from, actually.

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evangelicalhumanist: Greek "eu"=good and "angelos"=messenger. Spreading the good news of Humanism.

Again,

Thankyou for sharing Allen.

There's a book ready to be written and you're the author. Keep sharing, there are countless readers who would benefit greatly. You know I'm not kidding.

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Only Love Prevails,
Don

Hi EH,

Wow that is an amazing life story. I don't know many people who could live through that and still be as positive as you are.

Your career of choice is what I am working on pursuing. What advice do you have for an almost middle aged woman who is working on a new career path?

What made you decide that computers was the career for you?

Do you and Joseph have any pets? What kind? What are thier names? (sorry assuming a lot here)

I also have a personal question, which is: at what age did you know that you were gay? (I have a very personal reason for asking, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to)

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"Philosophy is a walk on a slippery rock
Religion is a smile on a dog."

It's nice to get to know you, Allen! I have a couple questions:

1. Who is your favorite composer (and yes, you can name more than one if you have to!) Are you a tenor, bass, or baritone?

2. If all of us at Interfaith Forum came to your house for dinner, what would you cook us? And what's picallili?

Beethoven, Debussy, and an American from Louisiana, Louis Moreau Gottschalk. Gottschalk seems to have inspired Scott Joplin (ragtime).

My singing voice, when I had one, was baritone.
I'm rather partial to an Argentinian style rolled flank steak called "Matambre." It's filled with tomato, garlic, spinach, basil, onions and pecorino romano cheese, and it's cooked just rare and wildly delicious. Matambre means something like "kill hunger."

Piccalilli (hard to spell) is a lovely, mustardy pickle, made with chopped vegetables of whatever kind you have around (often cauliflower, cabbage, gerkins, green beans, etc.). It should be a little on the hot side.

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evangelicalhumanist: Greek "eu"=good and "angelos"=messenger. Spreading the good news of Humanism.

What is your favorite color?

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"Philosophy is a walk on a slippery rock
Religion is a smile on a dog."

Blue, absolutely.

It is the colour of my eyes (shading slightly to grey), and I'm told that darker blues in particular suit me.

I rarely cook anything blue, however, with the exception of a beautiful filet mignon.

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evangelicalhumanist: Greek "eu"=good and "angelos"=messenger. Spreading the good news of Humanism.

I like the color blue, and I can see how that color would flatter you nicely. But (keep in mind that I am not a gourmet cook) I have had filet mignon in restaurants and have attempted to cook it at home (not the wonderful experience I had hope for) but I have never had it blue. Can you please explain?

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"Philosophy is a walk on a slippery rock
Religion is a smile on a dog."