Hello,

My name is BridgeBuilder. For most of my life, my spiritual path has been influenced by two fundamental belief systems, which some might view as polar opposites. On the one hand was my conservative Christian Fundamentalist upbringing and on the other were the mystical influences of what was once called "the New Age movement" in the late 1970's and early 1980's. (And one could also say there was a third, which was simply what some might term Science as we know it, as I pursued my education, but I never made Science my religion, as some do.)

I first heard about "New Age" concepts from an older brother when I was about 15 or 16 years old, but in some ways, I had always gravitated towards more mystical belief systems and practices, without knowing how or why. And even as a child and most certainly as a teenager, often I doubted about the fearful concepts of a wrathful and conditionally loving God, Satan and ever-lurking demons ready to pounce at any time and the ever-present prospect of eternal fiery torture in hell, all of which came to me through what I now see as thorough church indoctrination. I doubted even at a young age, even writing in a journal at the age of 13 "What if God is an imposter?".

The push and pull of what seemed to be virtually opposite belief systems were eventually too much for me, finding myself often bouncing dramatically between wonder and fear, on the one hand curious about (yet never really pursuing) things like Wicca and spirit guides and white light visualizations and on the other, terrified of the demons I had been told time and time again in my youth were deceptively lurking behind every corner, disguised with "counterfeit love".

My endless internal debating over paths of love and fear continued without respite. I had stopped going to a Calvinistic church at the age of 16, and even setting foot in a church was painful for me, yet I was too fearful of tales of deception to truly pursue any alternative belief system either. So after a while, I simply gave up. I pursued no spiritual path whatsoever. And that actually worked reasonably well for almost 20 years since I was free of the torment of indecision. I immersed myself in non-spiritual pursuits, pursuing bachelor's and master's degrees and a professional life in the engineering community, as well as getting married and having a son. I was never really satisfied or at peace, but at least not in torment either. I wasn't an atheist or even an agnostic, and I still had intuitive experiences here and there, but my focus was on the here and now in the "concrete" world.

And then one day about 7-1/2 years ago, I received the news that I might have a very agressive form of cancer (after a medical test that was said to be about 95% accurate when showing this particular result). Further tests a few days later fortunately proved the first test wrong, to the apparent puzzlement of the person administering it. Although thankfully brief, the experience of facing the possibility of cancer and the many hours of uncertainty left their mark. I had come face to face with my mortality, and it was abundantly clear I had no spiritual anchor to lean upon. Even worse, deep down there was a childlike sense of sheer terror that I could end up in hell, my earlier indoctrination taking hold. I found myself confronting intense indecision, fear and doubt.

For several months, I was in anguish, intrigued by the hope and wonder of so-called "New Age" philosophies (even though the term "New Age" was dated now), yet plagued by fears from my conservative upbringing. Eventually I reached a crisis point, and at the end of my spiritual rope, in tears I asked God/the Universe/my Creator, whatever or whoever that might be, however you want to label it, with a completely open mind, to "show me the way". And to my astonishment, my request was answered.

Within days, highly unusual things began to happen, intense synchronicities, one after another, before I had ever read about synchronicities. It was like "love and miracles out of nowhere", the title of a favorite song of mine. And indeed it seemed miracles were beginning to happen. People began to randomly appear in my life introducing spiritual concepts I had never heard before. Within days, I had what many might term a profound spiritual experience. And I realized how intensely I was LOVED, not conditionally based on my beliefs or actions, but UNCONDITIONALLY. Many things happened during that time frame, but one experience that stays with me even now was looking in the mirror and seeing the reflection of a galaxy in the iris of my eye, and truly knowing that we are much, much more than we can possibly imagine.

Yet still my tumultuous journey was not over, as the more synchronicities and apparently direct spiritual communication I experienced, the more I began to fall into fear. What if deceptive demons were toying with me? What if my experiences were counterfeit? What if "demons" were communicating with me, just pretending to be loving? The old indoctrination took hold, and I rapidly tumbled out of a place of love into fear.

Thus began a very difficult period for me, during which I was once again torn between two paradigms. I also had a health challenge during this period, made even worse by my emotional state, and I was extremely vulnerable. At one point I fully revisited conservative Christianity, repenting on my knees in the presence of others, even feeling a sense of release and love at that time. I went to a conservative mega-church where they believed the Bible is the inerrant "Word of God", attended Bible Study regularly, sincerely sought answers in that belief system. Yet the more I heard ministers proclaim the Bible to be 100% true and the more I studied it in detail, the more I could not accept that this was so. I raised very difficult questions during Bible Study, often in tears because I so wanted to believe, yet nobody had an answer. I could not accept that a loving God could advocate what I was reading in the Bible. And eventually I walked away from Fundamentalist evangelical Christianity once and for all. In retrospect, I know I needed to give conservative Christianity another chance so I could truly evaluate it and make an honest choice. This was about 6-1/2 years ago.

Over time, I evaluated other more liberal Christian views. I attended a Unity church for a while, mostly to participate in a weekly class where diverse spiritual ideas were discussed. I became involved in various online spiritual communities. It was during this time period that met an individual known as "Rastus" online, who is now my fiance. (I think a few of you are familiar with him already? )

And as I turned away from fear-based beliefs and focused on Love, blatant synchronicities began to come into my life once again. At times, I still fell into fear, but after literally standing at the gates of hell more than once, I FINALLY realized just HOW MUCH we are loved, and I knew I never needed to experience those fears again. For me, it seemed I needed to confront a fiery hell directly, yes indeed standing at its gates, before realizing how preposterous the notion really is in the presence of a loving Creator. Over time, I also learned a little about Gnostic views, which astounded me at first given their similarity to other concepts I had learned in "New Age" circles. But most of all, I finally began to find peace, something that had always eluded me. In fact, I had another brief health scare last year, similar to the first, only this time I passed with flying colors, with no fear of death or hell whatsoever. For I KNEW that I was LOVED.

One thing I have realized more and more is that the Love that binds the omniverse together reaches out to us in whatever way works for each of us, miracles included, as long as we focus on the Love. I have actually personally experienced this. When I was fervently pursuing evangelical Christianity, I experienced some amazing synchronicities helping validate that path for me. It seems that the more you focus on the Love, no matter what your particular belief system, the more the synchronicities occur (and yes, other Christians report synchronicities too, they just label them differently). And another thing I realize is that many who have come from a place of Fear are in recovery, myself included, and we need a spiritual support network to help keep us anchored in Love. Fear has a powerful voice, but the voice of Love is greater.

Today I am finally in a much more peaceful place spiritually. I have weathered many a storm, and Love is with me now. I continue to have profound spiritual experiences. This is now evolving to include experiences with concrete proof in the package, things I can objectively analyze in a methodical way. And my spiritual journey never ceases to amaze me.

What exactly does it mean to me to be a "New Ager", despite the dated nature of that term. For me, releasing all connotations of that term, it simply means that I believe a "New Age" is dawning, and mankind is evolving to an expanded state of consciousness. I believe this is "guided" evolution, not random, similar to what is presented in the movies "2001" or "2010". And the phenomenal thing is that WE are the guides, we just don't realize who we are and what we are a part of (which is All That Is). I also believe there is a great deal we have yet to learn about the natural world, and what might be considered "supernatural" to us based on our limited scientific understanding is actually very much "natural", simply misunderstood. For me, the belief system I have discovered is the perfect meld of science and spirituality, but even so, I still ask tough questions, often asking for objective proof (my dear Rastus/Bryan often gives me loving grief regarding this, saying things like "And STILL, she doesn't believe!" when we are jointly witnessing phenomenal things.) What is fascinating though, is that my requests for proof are being answered, and I'm not really sure where I go from here...

I look forward to contributing on a regular basis to this forum, since I believe my long journey gives me a rather unique perspective in many ways, the reason why I consider myself a Bridge Builder.

Peace and Love,
BridgeBuilder

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To build a bridge, it is not enough just to have an understanding of both sides of the river, although that is a challenge indeed. Only with the guidance of Love can one master the chasm in between.

Welcome to this forum Bridgbuilder and thanks for the great introduction. I look forward to reading your posts and getting to know you better : )

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May your awareness be perfection

Thank you for the wonderful introduction. I can identify with it. I also have experience synchronicity and love it. We are very happy to have you here. Have fun on the forum.

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InterfaithForums.com-Where your ideas and beliefs count.

I hope you enjoy the discussions.

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Grassaf, Eolas

very nice post bridgebuilder.....thanks for being here...

Thanks for that wonderful introduction. Glad you are here and can't wait to get to know you better.

I also would like to invite you to sign up for the Member Hot Seat. It is a forum where we get to know you on a more personal level. It is easy and painless I promise. And we are always happy for a new face.

Welcome to the forum.

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"Philosophy is a walk on a slippery rock
Religion is a smile on a dog."

Thank you for your sharing



LOVE IS


O yes

Bridgebuilder. Glad to have ya.

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When a man sleeps in his bed, his soul leaves him to soar above, each soul according to its own way.......
The Zohar

I was reading what you wrote and since I have never done this before I am a little nervous. I have been reading for about 20 years and still have questions and concerns. I think sometimes I try too hard to connect with
the universe. i believe we are all here to raise the consciousness of the world but sometimes I am in doubt if I really am doing anything. Seens like I am going around in circles. Sometimes very clear other times totally confused.

Hey Nicole! Welcome to the forum. I can relate to what you say, so just know that you are not alone : )

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May your awareness be perfection