John Backman Bio

My spiritual history is checkered at best! I was raised Unitarian and spent my young adulthood in born-again churches, gradually pushing away from that tradition as time went on (which is why, tongue in cheek, I often call myself a recovering fundamentalist). About 15 years ago, a life crisis drove me to immerse myself in contemplative spirituality and Christian mysticism: I read thinkers like Thomas Merton, Meister Eckhart, and St. Teresa of Avila while cultivating a practice of silent prayer, a thirst for all things spiritual, and an ever-growing personal connection with the Divine. In 2005, I became an associate at Holy Cross Monastery, an Episcopal Benedictine monastery with affiliated houses in California, Canada, and South Africa.

As a professional writer and marketing communications specialist for more than two decades, I recently completed my first book, Why Can’t We Talk? Living the Way of Dialogue in a Shouting World (currently unpublished). When people ask me what the book is about, this is what I tell them:

Think of an issue that makes your blood boil. Now imagine meeting with someone on the exact opposite side of the issue. Could the two of you talk without throttling each other? Why Can’t We Talk? helps you do that. Going well beyond practical techniques, it calls for inner transformation and the work of the soul—i.e., living “the way of dialogue”—as essential steps to creating honest discourse and building a better world.

Here are the topics John Backman would like to discuss in this interview. All members are welcome to ask John Questions.

Welcome to the Interview Zone John. We are very happy to have you here.

John what is the way of dialogue?

Now that is a book I would like to read. Have you thought about electronic publishing? Like, for the Kindle at Amazon?

There are some very divisive issues being debated around the world today. Who would you cite as good examples of those who can 'maintain the dialogue' from your point of view (i.e., good examples to follow)? Interesting topic!
--Steve--

I'm delighted to be here. Maybe we should start with some elements that define dialogue as I'm using the term. In dialogue, participants collaborate to discover more of reality, rather than fight one another. They explore an issue rather than assert a position and defend it at all costs.They focus on seeking truth instead of their view of the truth. They strive for self-transcendence, exposing their most cherished beliefs to challenge and, possibly, revision.

This last part is where the "way of dialogue" comes in. There are plenty of sources for practical tips on conflict resolution, and they are indispensable. But I believe they can work their magic only when the participants have let go their death grip on their own perspectives and "certainties." To get to that place--where we can feel secure in letting go and focusing totally on the other--we can use many of the practices involves many of elements traditionally associated with the word "conversion": an ever-growing connection with the Divine Spirit and the practice of certain (rather misunderstood) virtues.

Thanks for the interest, Steve! It's not easy to find good role models for dialogue these days, but the one that immediately springs to mind is the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, which sorted out many of the crimes and evils committed during South Africa's apartheid era. Once apartheid came to an end, the nation could have gone the way of so many others: descending into racial vengeance, or sweeping the issues under the rug in the spirit of "moving forward." Instead (I'm doing this from memory, so correct me if I'm wrong), the Commission painstakingly listened to mounds of testimony and got to the truth of many aspects of apartheid without seeking revenge or reparations. In doing so, they provided a safe place for the truth to come out. Desmond Tutu, from what I recall, deserves a great deal of credit for that; so does Nelson Mandela for his dialogues with F. W. deKlerk, which brokered an end to apartheid in the first place.

Agreed Steve. Have you mediated any crucial disputes?

If by "crucial disputes" you mean some of the major issues of our age--like the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, or the abortion debate--no, I'm afraid I haven't been in a position of influence to do so. On a personal level, I often find myself confronted with people who ardently disagree with me, and I use these opportunities to understand more of where they're coming from. When a dialogue is possible, we exchange views and try to explore together; where the other person is closed to any input, at least I've gained a bit more insight into what motivates her beliefs. In the process, I hope I've treated her with more respect--as a human being first and an "opponent" second--which allows her, by Divine grace, to see me the same way.

Well let me say you should be able to practice your craft well here my friend.

John what are some of the steps to good dialoguing?

I think the first step is to do this work of the soul, so we can approach people with a clear mind and an open heart. For people of faith, that involves doing what we've been doing all along: cultivating a connection with the Divine through prayer, reading and praying sacred texts, living in community. These things awaken us to our place in the universe--as one being among billions--and thus give us enough perspective to realize that our way isn't the only way.

As we cultivate that Divine connection, we almost automatically turn our hearts toward some virtues that are key to dialogue. One of the most important is humility: not self-denigration, as the term is usually used, but an honest assessment of oneself, one's strengths and weaknesses, one's place in the world. We can also foster an attitude of openness, the pursuit of truth aside from vested interests, a willingness to risk, and above all a commitment to genuine love. As these virtues take hold in us, we gradually let go of everything that we often use to define ourselves--like our beliefs and values--which frees us to listen to the other.

This, of course, is the interior work involved in preparing oneself for a life of dialogue. We can certainly talk about more down-to-earth steps as well, but I'll stop for now and take questions.