I attended a large wedding reception. There was about 300 people. At one point the minister had everyone form a large circle and hold hands. The minister then said a prayer. One family member who is an atheist stepped away from the circle and stood alone.

My question is would all atheists do this? Can there be a benefit from a circle of this sort whether you are an atheist or not?

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I have attended quite a few weddings, both religious and secular. The religious weddings have included Jewish, Catholic, Greek Orthodox and Protestant.

It is my policy to participate fully in everything possible, because this day is not for me, it is for the couple I'm here to witness begin their new life together. At Jewish weddings, I will wear a white yarmulka, out of respect for the desire of the couple, their families and their guests. At Christian services, I will not take communion, for obvious reasons, but I will bow my head during prayers and in every other way make every possible effort not to detract from the festivities.

If I were invited to join a circle (this has not happened so far) for prayer, as you have described above, I would of course do so. It does me no harm, and it avoids turning the focus -- from the happy couple and the prayerful wishes of their friends and community -- to me.

I don't think I respect atheist who would not make that much effort on behalf of the friends who's wedding (s)he is attending.

(By the way, same deal at funerals and other services where religion is typically a part. If somebody still alive thinks my funeral should be religious, well, what would it matter to me? If it gives them comfort, I would certainly not object to it.)

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Great perspective Allen!

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Great attitude! When you think of it even if we are religious we don't have the same beliefs as the people at every event we attend. A ceremony is an experience.

I felt the actions of this relative had a lot more to do with things other than being an Atheist.

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Didn't we discuss this before? This seems really familiar.

Anyway, I agree with EH. It was extremely rude for the person to step away and not join in. The day is for the couple and not that person. I do not practice Christianity in my personal life, but I participate when at a Christian wedding, funeral, or other event. It is rude to accept an invitation when you are not going to be fully present. I think that the phrase starts off "when in Rome..."

I wouldn't step away, but I wouldn't say amen nor would I pray. I would hold my head up and watch everyone.

I don't think it's rude. It's someone not sacrificing their own principles for the sake of another. I don't see how that's rude.

Sounds good - at least on paper. I agree that we shouldn't sacrifice our principles, but I'd have to question this person's "principles" if they were totally focused on their own beliefs and appearance while attending a ceremony for two people they supposedly cared about.

Certainly there are some occassions when it's important to make a statement. I just don't see the point in this case.

If they cared about me, they wouldn't force me to engage in an activity that would make me feel uncomfortable.

Why are you trying to make this into an issue that the atheist wouldn't care about the couple if they didn't pray or engage in prayer? How does that work? Would you force your muslim friends to pray to a Christian God even if they didn't want to? Would you try to guilt trip them into it by implying that they don't care about you if they didn't do it?

Please.


It's not necessarily making a statement. It's simply not engaging in an activity one either doesn't feel comfortable with or one doesn't want to participate in. What if I didn't like dancing, would it be rude of me to sit and enjoy the wedding and not dance even though there's a dance floor there and everyone is dancing?

No. I'll show the couple I care in my own way, not in the way they want me to, nor in the way you want me to.

If they are my friends, they'll understand.

That's true. Still, I think the question you might ask yourself (and which I answered for myself) is why does holding hands in a circle with people (not you) praying make you uncomfortable? I discovered that it didn't make me uncomfortable because I wasn't praying.

We do many things that aren't of any particular interest or value to us, often just in the spirit of community. We've all laughed at jokes that we didn't think were funny, and we've all listened politely to stories that we've heard before, but which others haven't. (Or at least I hope we've listened politely).
I guess that's the difference in our attitudes. I do not think of myself as "praying or engaging in prayer" by the simple act of lowering my head out of respect for those who are praying, in a service to which I freely accepted an invitation. Since I'm neither praying nor engaging in prayer, their is no cost to me and no conflict with my principles, and it's therefore an easy thing for me to give to the community around me.

I don't make myself Jewish by putting on the "guest Yarmulke," either. Last weekend, I entered a Buddhist shrine and a Hindu temple in Toronto (for "Doors Open").Iremoved my shoes, both because it is customary, and because they asked me to. It didn't make me a Buddhist or a Hindu. It allowed me to show respect for the customs of the place I had made a decision to visit, and to which they welcomed me.

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