People who have been here any length of time will probably remember me talking many times about cycles. American Indian belief is that all things are governed by cycles; the cycle of the year, going from winter to spring to summer to fall to winter, or the cycle of the day that starts with getting up, progresses through a number of steps until you go to bed, then begins again when you again get up, and so forth.

Anger is no different. It operates on a cycle, or rather on one of two cycles - one leads to positive results, the other to negative results. Being able to distinguish when we are in cycle, and which cycle we are in, gives us power over the anger and allows us to control it.

The negative cycle looks something like this: Normal phase (everything is fine) - Buildup phase (something has triggered the anger) - Act Out phase (when we do something negative; yell, scream, throw things, bottle it up, hit, or whatever) - wind down phase (when the anger subsides and we regret, in one way or another, what we have done)

The positive cycle looks like this, and note how similar it starts to the negative cycle: Normal phase - Buildup phase - ACTION Act out phase (different from the other cycle because we use various interventions to rechannel the anger for positive results) - Resolution phase (we RESOLVE the anger, rather than regretting our actions.)

I want to go into how to know the difference between the two, but want to stop here in this thread to give everyone a chance to comment, and perhaps relate how they've seen each of these cycles in their own lives, or to discuss anything else regarding the two cycles.

I don't know if I am unique, but I have something inbetween the two cycles. Something triggers the anger, it builds up, I take a time out to calm down, call a friend to vent, and then channel it into positive actions to change what made me angry or will takes steps to accept something that I cannot change. Anyone else like this?

Yes, Kelly,
I do something simular. If I recognize that something needs to change, I act out the emotion. I believe it serves then a greater purpose. If I recognize that my ego is attacted, I go within and resolve that anger by looking at the cause. In this case I do not surpress nor react but transform, learn, embrace and rise higher in awareness. Unless I can see that this person or situation was/is a BLESSING I don't stop asking my Self questions or/and working on myself.

Example: If I see unjustice done: Violence of any kind, I will speak up. People being treated unfairly, cruelty towards animals, plants and natur all together. But I don't let what I see distrurb the peace I am. I move right back into my space of oneness and can continue to express understanding and love.

On the other hand if I feel personally attacked and move out of the peace that I am, I know there is still a belief on my part in a separation from God/oneness.

Kelly, there are very often cycles inside of cycles, so this can make it seem like there are two different cycles, when there is really just one. Again, the two start out virtually the same way. It is the mind set in the build up phase that makes one positive and the other negative, and starts the chain of events that results in the difference. You mention taking a time out or calling a friend...that is the difference. It is an intervention, and it allows you to control the cycle rather than letting the cycle control you. In other words, you are doing exactly the right thing.

I think that a lot of people have a wrong notion that makes it harder for them to control the cycle, even if they recognize it. Our language even caters to that misconception; "You made me mad"....to deal with our own anger, we must first take responsibility for it and realize that nobody "makes" us feel anything. They can push the buttons or cause the triggers, but WE are the ones that make us feel what we feel. And that has to do with mind set, again like you mentioned. Personally, a given trigger might illicit a number of responses from me, or no response at all, depending on what my mind set is. I see this as being true of most, if not all people. Awareness is not always easy, though.

Thankfully, there are a LOT of people out there who want to better themselves, perhaps realizing that they sometimes do have an anger problem and wanting to know ways to control it. And THAT is when a person becomes better, the moment they admit to having the problem to begin with.