Dear Friends,

Here is the next installment!

Forgiveness

We hear so much about forgiveness, in our churches, on Oprah, in new age magazines, but do we truly understand what the big deal about forgiveness is? We read that if we forgive others and ourselves we are doing our spiritual work and becoming better people, but what does that mean to us? You can forgive that guy you dated a while back until you run into him someplace and then you want to wreak revenge on him. You can forgive your parents for your horrible childhood but as soon as you get on the phone with your Dad you are arguing just like you always have. So, what good is forgiveness anyway?

The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart, not from the mind. Knowing in your rational mind that your parents did the best they could to raise you is not enough to constitute forgiveness. That is why every time you are with your Dad you still argue. If you really forgave him you would not be reacting that way. You would have compassion for his dream and understand that he is just expressing his point of view. If you truly let go of the pain of your childhood, your self-importance, and your need to be right about your point of view, you would not be taking him personally any more. If you were not taking him personally you would not be angry and it would not be necessary to punish him by behaving like an angry child. It behooves us to look at ourselves with honesty and objectivity. You can say you have forgiven someone in your life, but the proof is in the pudding.

If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone, your heart is telling you that you have not resolved your issues with them. In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person. All of this begs the question, how do we forgive? First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories about why you behave the way you do. Stop blaming your behavior on other people and take responsibility for your emotional reactions. If you could forgive all the people in your life who have hurt or wounded you it would be possible to be in control of your behavior instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time. Imagine living life without experiencing a constant emotional rollercoaster of pain, anger, and jealousy! That would be bliss!

The important thing is to have awareness of what has transpired and be able to tell yourself the truth about it. Have you truly forgiven or has your rational mind been telling you a story that you have? Once you have determined what is truth and what is a justification, you are ready for the next step. Second, look at your life with clarity. Try to see what happened in your past, not only from your point of view, but also from the other person’s point of view. We need to be able to walk in the other persons shoes to understand why things happened the way they did. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they did or how they did it. Not at all. Your values and beliefs may be very different from theirs. All this means is that you can see the whole truth of what happened and the whole truth encompasses all points of view, not just your own.

Take some time to listen to how you tell the story of your life. Perhaps it would be helpful to journal the story of a particular time in your life that you have been challenged by. Listen to what you have written. Does it sound like you were victimized by your circumstances? Be objective, if someone heard your story would they say someone did you wrong, that you are resentful, vengeful and angry? If so, this is your first clue that you are seeing things from only one point of view. Why? Well, if you felt like someone hurt you then obviously you took the other persons actions personally. You assumed you knew why they did what they did according to your point of view and your beliefs about their words or actions. Chances are that your interpretation of what the other person did or said was not what the other person had in mind when they interacted with you. The key is to imagine what happened from their point of view.

If I say that my husband cheated on me and ruined our marriage and hurt me, I am only telling part of the story. What about my responsibility for my half of the relationship? It is doubtful that I was a vision of loveliness throughout the entire marriage. I had to contribute half of that relationship because all relationships take the contribution of both parties. When I can see both sides clearly, and have compassion for my husband, I can forgive him. But if I am attached to my victim point of view and blame everything on him, forgiveness will never come. Chances are I will bring my anger and resentment into my next relationship as well. This scenario applies to all human interactions in our lives. Rape, physical, emotional and mental abuse, cheating, violence, etc… are all included. Yes, even what we judge to be the most heinous of human activities can be forgiven.


Continued below.......


Please do me a great kindness and do not copy any of the above material for reproduction of any kind. It has been adapted from my new book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Toltec Wisdom and cannot be copied without the publisher’s permission. Thank you all!

Seeing things with the eyes of truth means that you stop judging the activities of others and, instead, take responsibility for your interpretation of those activities. It means being responsible for how you write the story of what happened. I could say yes, my husband cheated on me in our marriage but, gosh, I was not aware of how my actions impacted our situation. We both had a lot to learn from that relationship. I am glad I can see what happened clearly and have gratitude for the opportunity to grow and become a better person. even if it hurt pretty badly for a while.

The key word here is gratitude! We judge everything that happens in life as good or bad, right or wrong. The truth is life just happens, and life is exactly as it is. As long as we are always judging others and life situations according to our point of view, we will never be able to have gratitude for the challenges and experiences life sends our way. No matter how enlightened a person you may be, things will always happen in life. People you love will die, relationships will come and go, the stock market will crash and rise, your car may be totaled but, if you have gratitude for life’s challenges, you will always be writing a beautiful happy story of your life! Even better, you will never feel victimized by your circumstances.

You may think I am living my life in a fairy tale, but I assure you I’m not. We have been domesticated to process our life in a certain way. If you don’t believe me just watch one soap opera on TV. Everyone is stressed out, creating drama, having emotional outbursts, screaming and arguing, defending their points of view, and generally creating a life of misery! Soap operas are popular because they mimic our lives. I am suggesting a different way of perceiving life, one without judgment and with the ability to see the points of view of other people and to see beliefs other than your own. One where you take responsibility for your mind and what it thinks and, as a result of this internal chatter, how you choose to react to any situation. When you can truly see the other person’s point of view then you can forgive from the heart. True compassion of the human experience is the place from which forgiveness begins. Compassion is an act of love that is free of attachment. Of course, the kind of love I am talking about is unconditional love.

Once you have seen the truth you must make the decision to let go of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to. This requires you to take action. If you are attached to your pain, resentment, and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions, this will be a difficult step for you. Taking action requires letting go of the very thing you have been holding on to for so many years. There is comfort in what we find familiar, even if we are experiencing pain and suffering. The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek. It takes absolute faith in yourself plus courage, will, and discipline to let go. But once you let go, it will as if the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders. In this process it is important to forgive not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves. For most people, giving ourselves the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.

• Forgive yourself for using people in your life to hurt yourself.
• Forgive yourself for not having clarity, for blaming others, and for not taking responsibility for your actions.
• Forgive yourself for wounding others and for the anger, jealousy, and hate you directed toward others.
• Forgive yourself for participating in situations that went against your integrity.
• Forgive yourself for not respecting yourself.
• Forgive yourself for not trusting yourself and having faith in your abilities.
• Forgive yourself for trying to control the people you love.
• And, of course, forgive yourself for not loving yourself 100% just the way you are!

More than once my teacher, don Miguel Ruiz, said “In order to merge with spirit your heart must be as light as a feather.” Well, when you have finally detached from the anger, resentment, and pain of your story your heart will feel as light as a feather. Not only that, but for the first time in your adult life you will be happy, truly happy, and your life will reflect the change back to you in every way. After all what we think in our minds is what manifests in our lives! The bottom line is that we forgive because we love ourselves so much that we want to give ourselves the gift of personal freedom. We forgive not because the other person necessarily deserves it, but because we do not want to carry that load around until we die. Anger, hate, and jealousy will make you old, resentful and ugly, inside and out. The question is, how much do you love and respect yourself? Is it enough to give yourself the gift of forgiveness? I hope so.

Blessing to all, Sheri

Please do me a great kindness and do not copy any of the above material for reproduction of any kind. It has been adapted from my new book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Toltec Wisdom and cannot be copied without the publisher’s permission. Thank you all!

Thank you, Sheri, excellent post. This reminds me of "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God".

Do you have any particular tools to help people in seeing what they are doing and forgiving themselves?

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InterfaithForums.com-Where your ideas and beliefs count.

Dear Sheri,

This was five absoutely facinating lessons. I felt co comfortable reading them. Thank you very much. Looking forward to more.


Joyfully,
Martha

__________________
Imagine all the people living life in peace,...John Lennon

Hello Sheri,

This is my first post, so hello to everyone. I am nearly finished reading your Idiot's guide to Toltec Wisdom and really like it.

I spent a few years with some Toltec guides and ended up going through an unexpected really difficult time with all of the garbage I dug up about myself, and at the time, blaming the pain on my husband and the guides of course! I can say with gratitude, our marriage survived and I am going strong facing my challenges now with (mostly) delight. The one that still bites me is jealousy. It is what forced me into uncovering all of my low self confidence and baggage. Ego still is hanging on tightly to that one and I sometimes cannot detach quickly enough before having an emotional charge and of course showing it, at least in energy, if not words.

Your words in this lesson have given me another good nudge, and forgiveness is the key indeed. I still harbor resentment towards my husband for expressing and showing his love so easily with others at that time, when he seemed so restrained with me. As I watched my husband clear and clean and evolve his patterns so wonderfully...I started to grasp for him and all of his loving attention like a true fool! It was no wonder that he was not able to show his love freely to me when I was a total clinging wreck! Plus, of course, he was trying to help me not be in self pity and so all of my ego's attempts to get his attention were falling on detached deaf ears! Poor me!

I went the whole route, taking it personally and not allowing myself to see the circumstances through his eyes. Being a man with a doctorate degree, he had all of those strong mental issues to work through and he was shaking them off and throwing them into the desert so fast that my head was spinning. I felt for sure that I would lose him as he was going someplace that I could not see. Fear of the unknown! I felt great fear that we were losing our foundation for our marriage. What happened is that we shook it up, threw it into the fire, and I finally have found that sharing our Spiritual paths in a marriage, that unity, is the new foundation. Working to lose co-dependency!

I still cling, I still feel jealousy, but I see them now and can detach much more readily when they pop up. I am learning to surrender to what is. Accept what is. I feel that the issues I have that created those horrific sufferings are finally begining to evolve and transform. The life of a Toltec warrior is a good one! I guess that my path had to go into that dark abyss in order to get my attention! I must work hard to be aware enough to find freedom. Do you feel that recap is the best route when I know that I still harbor resentment? All I have to do is allow ego to bring up a picture in my mind of my husband bringing a gift he made to our female guide and I can still feel the pain of jealousy and fear. WHY IS IT SO HARD? There it is, poor me!! Your recommendation to see the events from the other's viewpoint is something that I have not tried. I perhaps had better go there.

I share all of this because I hope that others will look at your lessons and truly do the work. As each of us evolves, even a tiny bit, humanity also takes an upward spiral!

Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

Marta

Welcome to the forum, Marta. Thankyou for this wonderful post and yes it will help others. This is what makes this forum totally worth it. Thank you for being here.

__________________
InterfaithForums.com-Where your ideas and beliefs count.

Dear Martha,

Thank you for posting angel. I imagine your experience is very similar to so many others. This is the bottom line, if we are still reacting to certain situations we must assume that we still have certain agreements around them. To try to stop yourself from feeling jealous is behavior modification and is not usually effective. But if you look at all of the beliefs that are coming up when you FEEL jealous, now we are cooking. For example, thoughts like: my husband will leave me if I don’t change fast enough, I’m not wonderful enough, I don’t deserve a good relationship, I am less than or unworthy, others are better looking than me, etc. All of these are statements that are not truth. Until you face those agreements and find them to be false – you will keep feeling jealous. Most agreements we make when we are small – so looking at those is a good idea.

However – in the end you come to realize that either you are going to live your life from what that program in your mind is telling you or you are going to let go of your ego-mind and start listening to your spirit as it moves through you. Fear-based emotions do not come from truth, only lies – so when you are feeling those emotions – use them as an alarm to face what you are thinking. In my book I give a list of fear-based emotions. Put that list in your computer and then print it out. That way every time you feel any of those you train yourself to connect your emotion to the belief – rather than addressing the emotion.

Blessings, Sheri
http://www.sherirosenthal.com

Thank you for the welcome, Lightkeeper! Back!

Sheri,

I really appreciate the quick reply! Good, I will dig deeper into what agreements I have made. Being the youngest of 4 siblings, it seems that I have never felt "smart" enough and have not dealt a good-bye blow to all of its ramifications. I also was born at a time when my mother was going through an emotional depressed time herself...so she was not exactly there for me as a newborn. We had a great aunt stay to help at home for a time. So, I have some homework to do!!! I have tried in the past to do this, but I must simply not be going deep enough into the beliefs I hold onto.

Yes, clogged up, Spirit simply cannot come through me and I know it is possible to become a Hollow Bone!

Sitting with your helpful energy!

Marta