Yes, I have, I was solitary for over 2 years, and I hated it. I can't stand being totally solitary. Fellowship is a must.

It's not that the church doesn't "fit". I believe in Christianity. I believe in the Bible. The problem comes when the God of Christianity doesn't answer prayers, or that Christianity doesn't acknowledge the Goddess.

I was rebaptized. I chose to join this church, and I don't regret it. Wicca lacks much of the dogma I need for my spiritual path, unlike Christianity, which has enough dogma to guide it's followers through their lives. Sometimes I think Wicca/Paganism has TOO MUCH freedom.

And no, there are NO Wiccan covens within 50 miles of where I live. I won't drive 50+ miles south of here to meet with a coven there. Gas is much too expensive for that.

Fellowship is one of the things that attracted me to Christianity. That and the Christian God has his ways of calling me back to an abrahamic religion. I've studied Judaism, I've studied Islam, but Christianity is the only one that fits.

I can't be 100% Wiccan. That's next to impossible, because I tried it once.
I've thought about dropping Wicca/Paganism in favor of being 100% Christian again, but my non-traditional beliefs (magick, Goddess, polytheist, etc) prevent me from doing so.

Wicca at least has enough dogma/beliefs to show it's followers HOW to practice Wicca. I can't say that for most of the Recon religions.

Perhaps you have the wrong christian group. There are several that revere the Goddess, many calling her Mary. Course, I figure the term god as ambiguous. Where does it say that god isn't a female? Alanis Morrisette played god in a "Jay and Silent Bob" film.

And perhaps god isn't answering the Qs how you want them answered.

Yours isn't a new quest, people have been searching for the answer for centuries. Things are not going to just show up on silver platters up for the taking. But I am sure you know that.

Instead of meditation, try something new. Runes, Tarot cards (there are several), Oracles, animal totems (I totally recommend Ted Andrews "Animal Speak" there are 2 of those and one for plants as well).

Do you have a non xtian mentor?

See if you can find a metaphysical or new age shop in your area and just go in with out looking and with a clear mind, see what 'talks' to you.

__________________
- Wisdom comes when you stop looking for it. -
"If God were alive today, he'd be an atheist" - Kurt Vonnegut

Please visit my foster dog blog: The Colbert Report.

Moderator; Native American Forum: Do you have any questions?

No, I don't have any mentors. I don't have any runes. I have tarot cards but I sorta gave up on those, they give me little if any insight into my life. My animal totems don't answer my questions either...and a few, including a big one, disappeared. A life totem just vanished a few years back. I'm pretty sure it's not just a journey totem so it doesn't make sense why it vanished.

I ask questions of any totems, and they may speak in riddles, or make me figure things out, which I'm bad at (if you haven't noticed already) or they give me something so vague it's worthless.

Sometimes I wonder why I don't just give up and be agnostic. It would be so much easier.

Though as of late I've been drawn to the Norse deities and will probably buy runes for Yule. But again, same problem as the tarot cards. Hard to read and hard to interpret. And how do I know the readings are inspired and not just chance? Or coincidence.

I made my runes out of clay (lime green play-doh actually), they actually work better that way too because your energy is instilled in them during the creation process, versus purchasing mass produced ones.

Try some oracle cards. and instead of doing whole involved layouts, When I think of it, I will pull one card from the deck randomly at the the start of the day to see what may lay in wait for the day. Kind of like a horoscope.

__________________
- Wisdom comes when you stop looking for it. -
"If God were alive today, he'd be an atheist" - Kurt Vonnegut

Please visit my foster dog blog: The Colbert Report.

Moderator; Native American Forum: Do you have any questions?

Runes have always drawn me, since they're from Norse Paganism (or present in it's lore anyways), and to me runes symbolize becoming closer to the Gods.

Here are some links to how to make them...

Make your own Set of Runes

Making a Set of Runes

Making Runes - Andy's Bucket-o-Memes

__________________
- Wisdom comes when you stop looking for it. -
"If God were alive today, he'd be an atheist" - Kurt Vonnegut

Please visit my foster dog blog: The Colbert Report.

Moderator; Native American Forum: Do you have any questions?

Thanks for the links, but I don't have the equipment (or the time) to make them from wood. I thought about making them from playdough or clay like you said you did, but playdough never gets hard...and you can't bake it. The bake-able clay, however only comes in white and that means I'd have to paint them, which means more time and trouble.

I'm thinking I might just hit up the internet and buy the set of petrified wood ones I found earlier.

the bottom link I believe used clay.

Try modeling clay. Or salt dough, equal parts salt and flour with just enough water to make a dough then bake them at around 350 for a few hours.

Playdough will get hard, you will just have to leave it out for a while.

What of plaster? line some bottle caps with vaseline, just to smooth out what ever ridges are on the inside, then line with saran wrap and pour in your plaster, let them set a little and then carve your runes into the semi hard plaster.

You can also buy wooden discs...such as biscuits used in cabinet making, and paint on your runes.

Ideas abound, get out of the box!

__________________
- Wisdom comes when you stop looking for it. -
"If God were alive today, he'd be an atheist" - Kurt Vonnegut

Please visit my foster dog blog: The Colbert Report.

Moderator; Native American Forum: Do you have any questions?

I bought some runes and find usually that their meanings are very general and not very specific.

have they helped? Sure. Sometimes I combine them with my tarot cards.

runes and tarot in general ARE general. But they are also what you make of them.

Keep a journal of what they tell you. Same for your dreams, visions, and other markers. It can take some time for the message to come together...much like a puzzle. Religion isn't just s cosmic drive thru where you get all the answers exactly how you ask for them.

It took me 2 weeks before I realized my grandmother was trying to make her presence known to me 6 months after her death. And it was through several different types of media. Animals, photos, sayings, tv, other people, you name it.

__________________
- Wisdom comes when you stop looking for it. -
"If God were alive today, he'd be an atheist" - Kurt Vonnegut

Please visit my foster dog blog: The Colbert Report.

Moderator; Native American Forum: Do you have any questions?